Marriage and Family

                                           Reflection On Marriage And Divorce

Aloha, and welcome to my site.  I am currently a student and taking a marriage class, working towards completing my degree in Marriage and Family Studies.  I will be posting uplifting and informative information I learn throughout my studies and hopefully share experiences from my life that may help and strengthen others.  After reviewing the reading for this week, I reflected on a statement that really stood out to me from Amato’s (2005) report on divorce.   He states, “Perhaps the most profound change in the American family over the past four decades, has been the decline in the share of children growing up in households with both biological parents.” In studying this statement, one might ask, why is this happening?  Are marriages failing?  Are children being born out of wedlock?  The topic discussed in this article describes how children cope with divorce.   Changes in academic success, changes in the home, happiness, behavioral problems, depression, and emotional bonds with parents, have all helped to contribute to a lower level of well-being for children.  What can we do to help remedy the problem?

What I Have Observed In Others

I personally do not have much experience with divorce in my family, but my husband has experienced many experiences and I have learned a lot from him as he tells me about different trials and challenges he faced growing up.  I grew up in a family where my parents were married and for the most part were happy.  My home life was stable and we had ample opportunity to get a good education.  My parents went through a difficult time when they talked about divorce and even planned on getting a divorce.  As a child, this scared me, because this was such a foreign concept to me.  However, my parents tried to make their marriage work.   I could tell that my parents were trying to work things out.  I am not going to say things were easy, but my parents hung in there.  They did not run away from their problems, creating more problems, but they tried to fix them.  I saw their hearts begin to soften and we began doing more things together as a family.  The following quote from President Spencer W. Kimball (1980), states, “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”  My parents were able to preserve our family.  They learned to communicate better, have faith, and demonstrate courage.   Dallin H Oaks, (2007), says, “for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce, but repentance.  Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness.  The first step is not separation but reformation.”  My parents had to learn to forgive one another.  It takes strong people to humble themselves enough to admit that they made a mistake and then try to correct the problem.  Dallin H. Oaks (2007), continues with this advice, “a good marriage doesn’t require a perfect man or a perfect woman.  It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together towards perfection.”

My Story

When I got married, my husband made the promise to me that it would be forever.  He didn’t want our children to go through what he went through as a child.   We both promised that we would talk to each other, and love each other no matter what; there just was no other option.  We made that our goal, and so far, we have been successful.  Marriage is not always easy, it takes constant nurturing.  It is something we hold dear to our hearts and work on every day.   In observing my children getting married and starting their own families, I have noticed them following our footsteps by marrying in the temple, and working hard to keep the covenants they made there.  My heart is full as I see them go down a path that will bring happiness in their lives.

If someone asked me about the views the Church has on divorce, I would respond by telling what I learned while growing up.  Date those kind of young men who are honest, who have the same goals in life, those of my faith, so you don’t add more conflict to a relationship, and those who act as true disciples of Christ.  I also wanted a return missionary who served with honor and was converted to living the gospel.  I was taught the importance of keeping the covenants.  Yes, we will make mistakes along the way, and counseling is available for those who need it.  Put a smile on your face and make it the best you can!

                                                            References

Amato, Paul R. (2005) The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well Being of the Next Generation. The Future of Children, 15, 75-9

Kimball, Spencer W.  (1980) Families Can Be Eternal. Ensign, 4.

Oaks, Dallin H. (2007) Divorce. Ensign.