Husband and Wife Staying Emotionally Connected
What does it really mean to turn toward one another? John M. Gottman (2015), tells us it is “building mutual trust.” This sounds simple. How well do you know your spouse? What does he/or she enjoy doing? What are some ways you can help them to achieve their best self? Are we aware of what our spouse is going through? What small acts of kindness can we do to help them? In my marriage, my husband and I have just become “empty nesters.” At first this seemed like a dream come true! We would finally have time to spend together. But, now that we have moved so far away from family. There are times when it is too quiet around the house, and I miss all the hustle and bustle and chaos that is associated with big family functions or when all of our children and grandchildren come over. We had to learn to dig deep and find things that we both enjoy doing together. My husband loves to go sailing. He recently went out to get his license, so now we can go out in the harbor and sail. At first I was kind of nervous. I had to really trust him that he could handle the boat properly. Now we can just relax and watch for dolphins, turtles, and whatever else might come our way. I enjoy just going to the beach and just sitting and watching the waves come in. Of course I have to go play in the water too, but this is very relaxing to me. My husband doesn’t enjoy it as much, but he goes with me so that we can spend time together. If we pay attention to the way our spouse responds to things when we are together, we will be in tune with each other and be able to pick up on the subtle hints that are given. Gottman (2015) refers to these as “bids for each other’s attention or support.” If you are too busy, and in your own world, you will really miss out. We are here on earth to help build each other up and to become better. In D&C 64:33 it states, “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” It doesn’t take much to enhance your relationship, it only requires a willing heart and a desire to improve.
How can Faith in Christ strengthen a marriage?
Marriage is the union of two imperfect people who are coming together, to overcome personal challenges and trials. H. Wallace Goddard (2009) says, “As we turn from the ways of the natural man to the ways of Christ, we will respond to our challenges differently. Instead of judging our partner, we will invite Christ to soften our hearts and fill us with goodness.” This week I had the opportunity to learn ways to be aware of my spouse and to learn to appreciate the things he does for me. It is always nice to receive small gestures or random acts of kindness. I think it is equally as import to turn towards each other and to send our love and appreciation or give compliments back! We can always pray for each other as we try to become the people God wants us to become. Instead of trying to change my spouse, I need to try to look at my own life and see how I might make improvements. Goddard (2009), quotes President Ezra Taft Benson by saying, “when we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities. We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives.” I know if we have faith in Christ, our marriage will be built on a firm foundation. A foundation that will be able to shield us from the adversary and temptations of the world.
References:
Doctrine & Covenants 64:33
Goddard, H. Wallace. (2009) Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, 57. Retrieved from https://content.byui.edu/file/821fd904-e409-49a9-b078-7fff99c33387/1/Drawing%20Heaven%20into%20Your%20Marriage.pdf
Gottman, John M. and Silver, Nan. (1999, 2015) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Published in the United States by Harmony Books.
Up, Up and Beyond 